Did I ever tell you about Kiva?

I don't remember if I've ever posted about Kiva or not, but even if I have it's been a while and it's a good thing to keep in mind. If you've been reading my blog for long, you know that I'm a big believer in The Secret and other sources of positive thinking. One of the tenets of that way of thinking is the idea of giving back. Whether it's time, money, old clothes, or whatever, I think it's very important that those of us who are fortunate enough to live a comfortable lifestyle, should give to those who are less fortunate. I guess it's kind of a good Karma thing to do.

Kiva is a great way to do that. Kiva.org is a website where you can make micro-loans to individuals in improverished countries. It's actually very cool. You go out to the website and there is a list of people who are wanting to borrow small amounts of money - usually between about $500-$1000 (you only fund a portion of the loan - $25 is the typical donation amount).

There is a picture of the person, their name and the country they are from and a little bit about what they want the money for - usually to start or improve their business. You can choose the country and the sex of the person you are loaning to. I typically only loan to women and I try to choose women with large families to provide for. I don't really care what country they are from, but I've loaned to women in Africa, Russia, and Asia mostly. They've even added a new category of people in the US you can loan to.

Once you've picked out your recipient(s), you click on the button and fund the loan, either through a checking account, or through Paypal. That's it - easy peasy! Then you sit back and wait. In a month or so, you'll start seeing small payments coming back into your account. These are loans, not gifts and these people are generally excellent about paying their loans back. Kiva has a 98% payback rate and out of the 23 loans I've done with them over the years, I've only had one that wasn't paid back and that was because the local lender who set up the loan was corrupt.

When your loan is fully paid back, usually in six months to a year, you can either choose to take your money back out and go on your merry way, or you can choose to lend it out again to another person and start the whole cycle again. That's what I usually do and it's kind of fun to watch the payments mount up and start looking for your next person to help.

I know that our own country is having some pretty hard times right now and I do have local charities that I like to help out as well, but I always feel that we have so much more than some of these people in very poor countries. Even the poorest families in the US typically have things that third world families wouldn't dream of owning - things like cars, and TV's and video games, while many of these families are just striving for the basics of food, clean water, and an education for their children.

So pop on over there and poke around a bit. Maybe make a loan or two. They even have a special Kiva team for Bloggers. We have a guy on our team who has single-handedly made more than 1,000 loans. And he's just a student. Go figure! If he can do that, what can you do today?

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

MamaKat's Writer's Workshop came at quite the opportune time this week. One of her prompts was for the most unusual punishment you have ever done with your kids. Well, that is right up my alley. This Mama is all about unusual punishments and I happen to be applying one of them right at this moment.

My 20 year old son has decided to go on a laundry strike. About two weeks ago, I told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to deal with his overflowing laundry basket. Since he just finished school and is supposed to be looking for a job as a Medical Assistant, he pretty much has all day to himself. So, it really could have been done in just a day or so. Yet, the laundry wasn't getting done, day after day.

So, first we moved to DefCon 1: I confiscated his Ipod (one of his most precious possessions and constant companion). I thought that would do it, but after a few more days, he'd only done 1 load of laundry.

OK, buddy boy, time for DefCon 2: His Mac disappeared early on morning before he was up. Usually, he's not this stubborn, but I think he's gotten into thinking that he's an adult now, so he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't really want to. Yeah son, so how's that workin' out for ya?

I was just about to escalate to DefCon 3: The cell phone (Although I wasn't sure how I was going to get my mitts on it - he literally sleeps with the damn thing).

But then I got a fabulous idea - a really Grinchy, awful idea. We have a standard policy about beds. If you don't make your bed, your brother is allowed to sneak into your room and make it for you, then charge you a dollar in labor fees.

I would let his brother do his laundry for the premium price of $5 a load - deducted directly from his checking account, so he can't do a thing about it. Turns out Blake was out shopping for camping stuff tonight, so what the heck, Mom could use a few extra bucks.

So as I'm sitting here writing this post, I'm earning a cool $15 bucks AND getting what I wanted - an empty laundry hamper. Sounds like a win-win to me!

I love my boys to death, but you do not mess with the Mama Dog around here!








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Sibling Rivalry vs. Bullying

My Tweeps were having a discussion on Twitter the other day that really got me thinking. They were talking about how their kids fight so much and talking about whether it was normal for kids to have such a hard time getting along. If you've been reading my blog, you know that we've had a lot of problems with our youngest son and bullies. So I'm very sensitive to any situation that looks like bullying and to me sibling rivalry at it's worst looks a lot like bullying.

Now, I don't even pretend to be a parenting expert, by any means. Nor do I want to sound like I'm criticizing other Moms for the choices they make in raising their children. I think the most hurtful thing you can do is question other people's parenting skills. I think we're all good parents in our own way and we all do the very best we can to raise our children. Instead, I think I'd like to present a bit of a different viewpoint that challenges some of the accepted wisdom out there.

People have always said things like "boys will be boys" or "let kids just be kids" as an excuse for kids who play rough or are mean and hurtful to each other. But I really question that thinking. If we let them, our kids would still be pooping in their pants and eating food off the floor too, but as parents, it's our job to teach them better habits. So, I don't understand how it's any different for a child to reach over and whack his little brother or sister, than it would be to do the same action to some random kid on a playground?

In a way, I think it's almost worse for kids to be mean to their siblings, because there's nowhere to go to get away from them. They have to live their attackers all day, every day. I always think of that horrible brother on The Wonder Years who was so mean to the character played by Fred Savage. He was just horrible to his brother on every level and I used to think what a nightmare it would be so have to deal with someone like that on a daily basis. And the parents were completely oblivious. I never once heard them tell the kid to knock it off.

Kids have so much pressure today, in school, in sports, in every other environment, I really think the home needs to be the one place where they can let their guard down and just relax and be themselves without constantly being harassed, teased, or even physically abused by their siblings.

Really, I think there's a very fine line between this kind of behavior and bullying. Usually, its an older child going after a younger one, or a stronger one going after a weaker one, and really what is the "victim" to do about it? They will always be younger or weaker than the other child, so they really can never ever win, and that has to produce a terrible feeling of powerlessness. Then if they ask the parent to intervene, they are considered a "tattletale" which has it's own negative connotation, so it really is a no-win situation.

Honestly, I can't understand why a parent would allow their child to be put in such a position by another child in the family. If a bully at school treated your child so poorly, you'd be screaming for the Principal, wouldn't you? I think about the kids who have bullied my son so unmercifully over the last few years and I really wonder if they were raised in homes where fighting and nastiness between the kids was an everyday thing?

Now stopping the problem is a whole other story, but I think it can be done, even if your kids are die-hard daily fighters. Kids are pretty smart and they catch on quickly to what will and won't be tolerated. After all, if Bobby was chasing little Susie around with a butcher knife, you'd find a way to put a stop to it pretty quickly. It's all a matter of picking your battles and deciding if it's worth the effort to help your kids learn to get along with each other. I think it is. If nothing else, I think it would be helpful to them to learn some negotiation skills. It will probably help them later in life when they're dealing with kids they don't like, bad teachers or bad bosses.

Click HERE for a great post at Fishful Thinking that I think might help your child to get along better with their siblings.




By TwitterButtons.com

Anonymous in Real Life

We have a funny habit here around the Crazy House. On my blog, I always use everyone's real name. I understand why some people don't, but honestly, it drives me crazy hearing about The Little Princess, Country Boy, His Royal Highness or whatever. I just don't think I'm interesting enough for someone to bother stalking.

Anyway in real life, we have picked up an interesting habit from my in-laws. No one around here has an actual name. Instead, they have a title based on their position in the family. For example, here is a perfectly normal sentence in our house "Son, go get Grandson and tell him that Mom has dinner on the table". Yes, my husband usually refers to me as Mom, even when the kids aren't around. How sexy.

Seeing as we have multiple sons and multiple grandsons, a statement like that can get a little confusing, but somehow they all figure it out, even if we have to point to identify the correct "son".

I guess it's not any worse than my Mom. Even though she only had two daughters, she was forever calling me by my sister's name. If you call them all the same thing, you don't have that problem.

Actually, now that I think about it, it's actually a family tradition. Both of our mothers used the same name - Nana. However, one pronounced it Nana and the other pronounced it as the italian Nonna. When we talk about them, we have to be very careful to pronounce them carefully or we get questions like, "Do you mean Nana or Nana?"

We have a similar problem with my own grandmother. She was quite vain and didn't want people to know she was our grandmother. So she instructed all of us to call her Mom - kids and grandkids alike. Somehow or other, it picked up a particular inflection over the years, so when my sister and I talk about her, we always know if we are talking about "Mom" or Mom.

You'd think it would just be easier to call them by their names, but actually that's even more confusing because BOTH of my grandmothers are named Hazel. I also have two nephews named Jim (step brothers), and two uncles named Francis. Go figure.

Need a scorecard to tell your way around my family? Yeah, welcome to the club, Friend!




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What I am most proud of

A lot of the time I focus on my youngest son Blake a lot, because he's the cute little kid whose doing all sorts of fun things these days. But I don't talk as much about my two grown boys. So when Mama Kat asked us to write about the things we are the most proud of, I thought I would share with you how proud I am of raising these two cute little kids into successful, fully functioning adults.


If you're new to my blog, let me give you a quick who's who. Ryan is my stepson. He will be turning 28 next week, but he was only 2 when his father and I first started dating. Since his Mom had relinquished custody, we had him pretty much full time from age 3 until about age 12 when he chose to move to California to live with his mother. He is now married and has four children - two step children and two of their own. Even though he is my stepson, I usually refer to him as my son because I feel I've earned that right by raising him for the last 25 years!

Matt is my first born son and my husband's middle son. He will be turning 21 in a couple of months and he has just completed his training as a Medical Assistant. Blake is our youngest, but at 11, he's still got a lot of growing up to do. I hope in time, he will grow up just like his two brothers.




10 Reasons Why I am Proud of My Sons:

1. They are strong in their faith and give back to their community. Both boys attend church regularly without any pestering from me. Matt has gone on three different week-long Mission Trips with our church, partly at his own expense, to help people in poor areas. With four children, Ryan isn't able to do things like that, but I am glad he is raising his own children in the church as well.

2. They both did well in school. They both graduated from High School with pretty decent grades and while they didn't manage the College gig, both of them attended wonderful trade school programs that got them off to a good start.

3. They're both hard workers who never miss a day of work unless they are deathly ill. From what I've seen, that's pretty rare among kids this age. Ryan has worked for the state of California for 4+ years and Matt just finished his clinical internship and is working at a movie theater while he looks for a position as a medical assistant.

4. Both of them are very faithful husbands and boyfriends. No playas here! Ryan has been married for 5+ years to his lovely wife Tammy and Matt is on his third fairly serious girlfriend. The last one he was with for two and a half years, until she went to college out of state.

5. These are both very good boys. No tattoos or piercings (yet!), they don't smoke or do drugs (that I know of) and I don't believe either one of them has ever been drunk. They will have a beer now and then, but it's not a regular habit like it is with a lot of guys their age. Neither has ever been in serious trouble with the law, although they both had a brush with shoplifting in their early years - I think most kids pull that one at some point.

6. Both of them are surprisingly good with money. I don't think Ryan has ever come to us to ask for money, even though I know things can be pretty tough for a family of six with one income. His wife only has partial sight, so her work options are limited, especially with two little ones still at home all day. But they manage quite well, and so does Matt, mainly because I ride him pretty hard on this one. He still lives at home while he in school, but he pays his own bills and is such a smart shopper that I let him do the family grocery shopping most of the time.

7. Great personality. We constantly get comments from people about how nice our boys are. A lot of teenagers are surly and grouchy and you can barely get a grunt out of them most days. Not our boys. They were raised to greet people with a smile and a handshake or a hug. They can maintain a conversation with just about anyone in any situation, which has helped them a lot in the job field, since they both are in jobs that have a lot of public contact.

8. Talent. Matt is quite a talented artist and musician. He has quite a collection of guitars and used to play bass in the youth band at our church. Ryan is more sports minded and has been playing baseball for most of his life. Now he coaches his son's Little League Team. He's also quite a pro with computers, so I'm looking forward to his next visit so he can set up my network!

9. Good natured. I have to say, I am very lucky that all of my boys have the same basic personality type. They are all good natured, easy going, slow to anger, and talkative to a fault! I can always count on them for a hug even during the difficult teen years and usually Matt is quicker to compliment me on a nice outfit than my husband is. You know, I wasn't always the best stepmother, but I never once remember Ryan ever saying that I wasn't his mother or that he hated me or didn't have to do what I said. They always did their best to obey us and were pretty darn good kids 90% of the time.

10. They are good with kids. Ryan is an exceptional father to both his step children and his natural children and makes no difference between them. He is fair and consistent with them, and is actively involved in their upbringing. Matt is a little nervous around little babies, but he's great with the little kids at church and he's played a big role in helping us raise Blake. He's watched him after school nearly every day since he started High School and most of the time, he's pretty good with him. I think he'll make a great father - just not any time soon!

So, that's our boys. They have their faults, just like the rest of us, but I think they can be very proud of themselves and what they've accomplished so far in their lives. I look forward to what else they will accomplish over the next twenty-something years.






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Quotable Sunday

I am a girl who is all about the quotes. I have dozens of favorite quotes, mostly from books I've enjoyed. So when I ran across Quotable Sundays over at A Daily Dose of Toni, I knew I had to play.

Here are some of the quotes I live by:

You can have everything in life you want, if you'll just help enough other people get what they want. Zig Ziglar

Be yourself - everyone else is taken. Unknown

I am my mother's child and that is better than being the child of anyone else in the world. Maya Angelou

God can dream a bigger dream for you than you could ever imagine. Oprah

We immediately become more effective when we decide to change ourselves rather than asking things to change for us. Stephen Covey

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. Dale Carnegie - (Adrian's take on this. Don't just whine, get busy and fix it! I may whine and complain with the best of them, but then I start looking for solutions.)

The human brain is unique in that it is the only container of which it can be said that the more you put into it, the more it will hold. Glenn Doman

You are what you think about. Earl Nightingale

Action is the foundational key to all success. Tony Robbins

Never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the pig. Unknown

You receive what you "thank" about. The Secret

For every moment you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness. Unknown

People are where they are because that is exactly where they really want to be - whether they will admit that or not. Earl Nightingale

Actions that are recognized and rewarded will be repeated. Unknown

I think this one is my most favorite. I think it really sums up how I live my life. I'm never that girl who goes along with the crowd. Instead, I always end up going off in my own direction.

Be a voice - not an echo. From a t-shirt I saw at Disneyland





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My Halloween Pictures

I needed to share my Halloween pictures. Parenting by Dummies said so! So here you go:

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